Why the resume writer you just hired actually hates you

The following interlude happened to me when I was still selling online career services.

Coincidence doesn’t exist. You buy Daniel Priestley‘s book Oversubscribed on a Monday. It tells you that you have to be selective with your customers, that you have to work with the people you love so it’ll never feel like working, and you have to turn away customers who clearly didn’t want to buy from you and clearly don’t trust you, because they’ll be a pain in the ass and they’ll suck the energy, time and life out of you.

They will also prevent you from delivering stellar service to your true customers, the ones you love and who love you (yes, Giovanna and Sharon, you’re both in).

Well, by the time you’ve finished the book – a couple of days later – the pain in the ass Daniel was talking about shows up. You knew you had to say no, you had heard your little inner voice desperately screaming inside from the beginning– but then, well, you’ve got bills to pay and chocolate to buy, so you eventually said yes.

And then the nightmare begins, and you curse yourself, and you wonder how much this asshole has cost you in terms of time, sleep, health (and yes, that comfort chocolate), and you promise yourself you’ll do your best to keep people like that out of your life, website and business – so you integrate you terms and conditions with a paragraph called About the people I don’t work with, hoping they’ll forever turn off from you – yes, I know, what a crazy thing to do.

Same here for this blog post. Now, if you find yourself wondering whether you might need a CV writer but the idea in a way annoys you, or sounds kind of outrageous, just read the follow 4 Reasons why you don’t need a CV Writer (and the CV Writer doesn’t need you). And get the bloody hell out of here.

Reason #1

Your CV is already perfect and wonderful as it is; this is probably why you don’t get any job interview even for the roles you’re perfect for. Consequently, you don’t need to pay 90 quid to have someone else re-writing a sheet of paper for you – that’s just ridiculous, I mean, you’ve got a Master’s Degree, what makes you think you’re not able to write a stupid CV down?

Solution: Blaming recruiters.

Reason #2

You don’t actually think someone can be better than you at anything, how dare they? You take it personal, very personal. The more qualified and educated you are, the more personal you’ll take it, until a broke friend who is facing a lifetime of unemployment will recommend you a good CV writer, how dare they. If the writer really sounds good, you may eventually accept and hire them. Please don’t.

Solution: Ask your friend to do your CV.

Reason #3

You attended some workshops on how to write your CV, and you think you’ve actually learned something special from that Job Centre Plus consultant whose major problem is having all the religions and ethnicity equally represented at her CV clinic gig.

Solution: Stick to that consultant and you might also end up marrying her.

Reason #4

Your CV must be looking good as you’re regularly called for job interviews in the same industry you’re currently working in, the same damn industry you completely hate and from which you want to escape. You’ve heard about transferable skills but this piece of information has just been buried under your victim-hood, so you are not looking for any solution because there is no solution for you out there, and your fate is sealed.

Solution: Blaming the fate.

Job seeker spelling and grammar mistakes on resume cartoon

© The Shortlisted – 2019

3 Responses

  1. Avatar

    This is so brilliantly put, mate.
    Once my guru Casey Neistat was asked by one of his Youtube followers: how do you surround yourself with the right people? He answered “That’s a great question. I don’t know how to surround yourself with the right people, but what I do, is eliminate the bad people. If you’re somebody that I don’t want in my life, GET OUT.”
    Zero f#*%& given. That’s the spirit – in life & in business 🙂

  2. Avatar

    Never get your friend to write your CV for you unless she happens to be a professional CV writer that’s what I’ve learnt. Oh that Sharon girl sounds awesome by the way what a lovely name, bet she was the sweetest and sassiest customer ever 😉

Leave a Reply