This article originates from my one-hour Skype conversation with a London-based guy who contacted me to share everything he has been through with recruiters. He wants to stay completely anonymous, so I won’t even publish a picture of his socks as I did for the former bastard.
The guy here has dealt with recruiters as a candidate, as a prospect and as a client, so he knows well what he is talking about. Here, he shares six surreal (not to say totally creepy) conversations he had with six different recruiters and HR professionals.
1: The personal data scavenger
– So, who else are you interviewing with, my son?
– Well, I just had my second interview with a medium-sized finance company.
– Can you please tell me their name?
– No, I can’t, for obvious reasons.
– Why not? My client needs to know who are they competing against!
– Really? So would you please tell me the names of the other candidates I have been competing against for this role?
– Of course not! This is confidential information!
* The reason why recruiters try to gather confidential information is to sell companies their services later. Once you get to know that X is recruiting, is easy to call them to offer your recruitment services.
2: The car dealer
– Hello? Great news! Company X wants to see you for an interview!
– Sorry?! How is it possible that they happen to have my CV??? I’m not even looking for a job!
– Well, we thought you were the best match for this opportunity and didn’t want you to miss this amazing chance, so we passed it over to not waste any second! They want to see you ASAP!
– I’m not interested, sorry. And anyway, you should never send CVs without permission.
– But they want to see you!
– Not my problem.
* Recruitment agencies just bombard companies with candidates’ resumes without even informing the candidates, and they do so to try to get as much business as possible. This is bad for candidates, as it makes them look undesirable and desperate from the employers’ point of view.
3: The gossip girl
– Hey, do you know anyone suitable for this role?
– I may know someone, but I need to check with them first.
– OK, no problem! Can you tell me their name by any chance?
– Sorry, I can’t tell until I speak with them… they may not want to be on the radar.
– Don’t worry! I promise I won’t contact them. Just let me know who they are so that I can have a look
– No way!
– But I pay a good referral fee…
* Never give a recruiter any information about third parties. You can never tell what the hell they’re going to do with it.
4: The dishonest
– Hey, good news! Company X wants to meet you for an interview! Either tomorrow at 11 AM or the day after at 3 PM. Which one of these suits you best? Your choice!
– Well, I am working full-time, and my office is not in the same area… can they meet me before or after work?
– Hey, they can’t, sorry. They have families to look after! Why don’t you ask for a day off at work?
– Man, my holiday allowance is limited and I don’t like to spend it on job interviews!
– OK, then call it a sickie!
* When a company is genuinely interested in meeting you, they’ll do their best to adjust things so you can make the interview. Serious companies never give you GP-alike slots.
5: The dreamer
– Hey, I have a dream job for you, please send me your CV now.
– Hold on a minute. Do you have any job description to show, please?
– It’s this role, for this salary, in this industry and this location.
– Man, I told you this about 37 times: this role is too junior for me, and it is paid too little money, I don’t like this industry, and I am not based in Aberdeen.
– OK! No problem! Have a good day!
* When a recruiter calls you, they never know who the hell you are.
6: The son of a bitch
– Hello! I have a dream job for you.
– Thanks, I’m not currently looking, but it may be of interest. However, I just got a broken wrist, so I won’t be able to send you my updated CV until next week.
– I need your CV now. Can you send me your current version?
– Well, it doesn’t include my current job so it wouldn’t look accurate. Can’t you wait until next week when I’ll be able to send you my updated CV?
– No, it’s too late. Bye.
* What else.